fight for boyfriend request pt 2

[Atrain1]

I strongly suggest you read part one or the story wont make sense im not reliterrating that much so read part one
tell me what you think of this one 2 please
thank you

uh uh uh groaned Joana as Cindy fired three straight punches into her stomach. The yellow boxing gloves Cindy wore was covered in the deep red of Jaina's blood while Jaina's gloves looked brand new. Cindy and Jaina were fighting over a boy named Jason who had showed up their community pool they were both naked and obviously exited.Cindy had been in control fom the start she had beaten Jaina's face to a bloody pulp and seemed to be barely trying to win now yet she was still winning the match.

Barely able to breathe from the last three punches Jaina fell foward onto her opponent who backed up and let her hit the floor. Laughing Cindy said "well its been fun but i think its obvious who the better woman is now" she started to walk towards jason but glanced back in time to see jaina getting up.

Jaina staggered like she was drunk over to the blonde bitch "u sink uuu b beat m m me"
she muttered "Well u gots anoder ting comin" then she threw a straight jab that went fast enough to cacth Cindy flush on her nose there was a loud crack and Cindy fell to the floor clutching her nose. She wiped away the blood and stood up "your gonna pay for that one" she said coldly "i was just gonna beat your ass but now im gonna humiliate you". Jaina apparently losing all will to fight just stood as Cindy fired a straight upercut to her chin knocking her to the cement near the pool.

Cindy went to one of the tables beside the pool and took out an umbrella from its spot in the middle. The umbrella shaft had the circumfrence of a large soup can and was worn down to the straight metal because of its constant use .

"Hey bitch lets see if i can break your pussy with this" chided Cindy. Jaina just mumbled barely councious she laid next to the pool. Cindy blew a kiss to Jason who felt surprisingly happy about the domination of Jaina. Then after spreading Jaina's legs she positiond the spear like shaft over Her pussy and slammed the tip down Jaina cried out in pain the point making a dent in her V Cindy just laughed and drove it down and down again So many times that Jason lost count at 22.

Soon later Cindy became bored and said with a devilish grin "well enough of that lets try something new". picking up the spear she turned it horizontolly and without a moments delay she rammed it straight up her pussy. Jaina somehow still concious screamed like a banshee i was sure some one was going to hear.

But no one came and Cidny kept on pushing in and out until maybe the 27th thrust. She took out the spear like shaft and said look at this i looked and saw red all over the front of the spear . She was still a virgin she would be experianced enough to take care of you like i can" Cindy said and now to collect my prize she walked over to me seductivelly and to my penis out of my swim trunks "oooooohhhhh so big" she said about my 8 inch cock then without further adu she stuck his penis into her mouth and slowly sucked gaining speed until he thought he was gonna blow his load there but she said wait climbed up on him and slowly lowered herself onto my cock

OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH ...yeah she moaned as she started to go up and down. it only took 5 minutes for her to make Jason come and they both just sat together Cindy still on Jasons cock even though it was limp until a black mercedes came and out jumped Jason's mom followed by Jason's dad running out of the car screaming "get of my son whore"

All jason could think lazilly was how his mom didn't know who she was talking two and there might be a problem if he didn't stop her pretty soon but the pleasure of that day had made him tired and he couldn't move so he waited to see what drama would unfold before him soon pretty soon...

[ForeShadow]

An interesting and concise first effort. This would be pretty good with some editing for spelling and grammar, and a little bit more extrapolation and detail. Overall, though, a good first effort; I'm a sucker for one sided fights.

[Atrain1]

yea ive read all of your stories pretty much (why does mj always get the short end) and i thought id make it one sided.and i was lazy wink wink XD

[ForeShadow]

Ha ha! Don't mistake me from CrimsonRash... I only really wrote one story myself, WORKED OUT, and edited and revised the other based on his original work.

I just like one sided fights; when appropriate; I like the idea of someone being humbled, or undone by their own hubris. I like the idea of one definitive winner; an overwhelmingly superior opponent in either strength, skill, or sexual dominance. It's a niche of the fetish that doesn't appeal to a lot of people because it can too easily move into just straight abuse or torture. Handled just right though... I find it very hot for one girl to revel in her power and embrace her dominance; while the other falls into despair, humiliation, and self pity.

You handled that pretty well in your story, and you kept it open for a sequel, which is always good. Like I said, a solid first effort, if short. My personal aesthetic is to build up the story; really build it up and raise the emotional involvement to create a more immersive experience. It depends on the amount of time and effort you want to spend. A little more work to flesh this out, and you've have a really solid story. But that's really just down to personal aesthetic. All the relevant information is there; good work.